What is it you really want? Do you want to get back with your ex? Do you want to start a new life? In the middle of all the emotion it is difficult to know what you want.
Read on for some practical advice on dealing with breakups.
1) Realise that your body is pumping all sorts of hormones around you at the moment.
You have experienced a loss and perhaps a great shock if you did not see it coming.
These hormones can cause you to act in ways that you would not normally do so.
Realise that you are in a grief like situation and the emotions you feel are normal and natural.
So be kind to yourself but do not have a knee jerk reaction to the emotions and start ringing your ex up or sending texts them all the time.
2) Try to sit down quietly by yourself and write down some of the reasons you believe the relationship came to an end.
Try not to blame your ex or yourself.
Be objective and see what was going wrong that made him or her leave.
3) Realise that this may indeed be the end of your relationship.
Accepting this will allow you to move on.
You may want him or her back but accepting that it is finished at least for now will put you in a different frame of mind.
This may be one of the most important steps in dealing with breakup 4) Think through carefully if you do want your ex back.
What would need to be different for your relationship to begin to thrive and be long lasting? What compromises would you need to come to? 5) Whether you want your ex back or not it is time to have a new exciting experience in your life.
I would recommend doing something that you have always dreamt of doing but never have got around to it.
My all time favourite is Salsa or some other form of Latin American dancing.
You meet a lot of people at the classes including the opposite sex!), you get to touch and be touched in a non-sexual way which can be very important after a breakup and you get a good workout (even if you are unfit you will manage this OK).
If you want your ex back make sure they hear about this new exciting event in your life - it will drive them crazy! 6) Sit down, perhaps with a friend, and write down some of your life ambitions.
Perhaps your relationship has made you forgotten what they are.
What is it you would really like to do in your life - whether it be retire to tropical island or own a huge business or have 5 children.
What ever your dreams are write them down, how ever silly they may seem.
Now when you have gone through the list take the top three that you really want to achieve and write these down on a piece of paper with the title LIFE GOALS.
Make sure that you write down the goal and when you are going to achieve it by.
7) Using your three life goals begin a plan to achieve them.
On another piece of paper write one of the goals on the top.
Now write down three things you can do today (or tomorrow) to get closer to the goal.
Now it will have to be small steps because this is normally all that is achievable in a day.
So, for instance, if your goal is to go on a holiday to a tropical island next summer your three actions for tomorrow may be to visit a travel agent and get some catalogues, read them at home and decide where it is you would like to go.
So you end up with a better planned goal.
such as, I want to go to the Bahamas next July and stay for 14 nights with my friend Julie.
Doing this planning and goal setting does two things.
Firstly it takes your mind off the breakup and secondly makes you look forward to an enjoyable future as you and not not you and your ex.
8) At least temporarily get rid of the reminders of your ex around your home.
It might be photographs, letters, particular CD's and so on.
Do not at this stage throw it all away but do put into a box and store it away for the moment.
Change the room round as well.
This does not need to involve money but just moving objects around your rooms can make them feel brand new.
9) Do not sit around with friends being negative about your ex.
Better still do not speak about him or her at all except to your closest friend and then to share what you are feeling not to have a session on how awful he or she was.
It will just pull you down and will not help you grow.
10) Get help if you need it.
Recognise that this can be one of the most painful events in your life.
Sometimes friends are not enough.
If you are getting depressed or cannot get over the sadness there is professional help out there.
Speak to your doctor or a counsellor.
Follow these tips and begin to see your self lift out of the emotion turmoil and take control of your life.
It is hard when you are dealing with breakup but follow these steps and ypou can survive Until next time,