What drives him to this ultimate act of desperation? What ideas can help prevent these senseless tragedies? He and their mother loved each other once.
He also loved his children.
Then, like a cancer gnawing at his very being, he wants to punish the mother.
He wants to take revenge.
Maybe, he just thinks the children were better dead than living with their mother.
Here there is no thought of what may happen after death to him and these children.
Has the mother any share in the blame of this awful tragedy? Ultimately the answer must be "no.
" However she may well have contributed to his mindset by her obstinacy, thoughtfulness or deliberate manipulation in preventing his seeing the children as often as he wishes.
She may have cost him huge sums in the court system.
The prevention really lies in both mother and father looking at their circumstance in a very different way.
First of all they should look away from themselves and their feelings and desires, and look at their children.
They should seek what is best for their children.
The usual scenario is there is often a big row when the father comes to collect the children.
This row is usually in front of the children who are standing at the front door ready to go with their father.
What sort of tone does it set for the day? How does it leave the parents feeling for the rest of the day or even for a long time after? Each parent should just "cool it.
" Make the picking up of the children a reasonable experience.
Second, they should get together "on the same side of the table" as they look at what is best for the children.
Look at the situation together rather than at each other as enemies.
Say to themselves, "How can we solve this situation together" rather than "I must get the better of them.
Third, they should remember no-one is perfect and accept some of the mistakes they make.
Don't let the other parent control you by their response to you and you lashing out at them.
The murdering father is allowing the mother to have the ultimate control over him by responding to the mother's actions in revenge and jealousy.
Fourth, they should listen to each other rather than push ahead with their own thoughts and ideas.
Fifth, they should pretend they are the other person and ask themselves how they would feel if they were on the receiving end of what is being said.