One of the worst tragedies that you can imagine is when parents who are traumatized attempt to raise children. This is a recipe for disaster. The child is obviously going to be effected and the results may end up being devastating to some other people somewhere down the line.
Many mistakes that I see made are when too many people want to have a hand in rearing a child. The child may be accustomed with one set of values but every other adult that comes along wants to impose something totally different. One parent may stress one way of conducting business while an aunt or uncle operates differently. This can be confusing or even traumatizing to the child who is attempting to understand it all.
All of a sudden the thing which was rewarded by one is a cause of punishment by another. For example if you have one parent who is a neat freak one standard is set, but when the slob comes along all of the neat values dont matter anymore.
Many times adults feel that they need to control the child which is fine when it is really appropriate but not good at all when it is a personal matter. People who are control freaks find the child to be an east target. Adults will sometimes traumatize children with physical threats and verbal abuse. Many adults like to use the threat of physical punishment as their ace in the hole. The problem with this is that it will only be effective so many times before the child figures out that it is nothing more than a threat so the key here is not to threaten unless you really intend to deliver. I have found that when I am too tired to enforce discipline it is best not to say anything at all. Whenever I have to use the threat of discipline I am ready to use it. The child will understand this also and react accordingly.
One mistake that I have observed many young mothers make is to yell at their small male children. It seems more often that not that the mother feels that she must put on her war face anytime that she communicates with the young child but once again nothing is farther from the truth. Normally if they child understands that negative actions have negative consequences it will be cause enough to shape positive behavior.
The effect of constant screaming is that over a period of time it will lose its effect. The military uses this technique when training soldiers for combat. The trainees are initially traumatized by the yelling and screaming of the drill instructors but over time they become accustomed to it and it doesnt bother them. A troop who is not bothered by the antics of the drill instructor is much better suited to handle the pressure and rigors of actual combat.
It is good to constantly evaluate our own motives and behavior when we discipline children. We need to know that we are really being objective in our actions and not confusing or traumatizing the child. Riceland Enterprises