What's with the vows, anyway? Just words? Maybe we should stop and think this through.
People get hurt in a divorce.
Not just the two spouses, who think they are freeing themselves, but especially children.
So is there something I can do to stop my divorce? Maybe.
While there are no guarantees in life and certainly not in court, there are some proven techniques known to help stop divorce.
And I would like to share 3 of those techniques with you here.
First, you need to realize that actions are more important than words.
Remember that I mentioned the marriage vows above? If divorce is on the table now, someone did not take "'til death do us part" very seriously.
So just saying that you will change does not mean that you will.
You need to understand that.
Making promises and not keeping them is far worse than never promising anything to begin with.
If you are having an affair, it has to stop right now.
Cold turkey with no looking back.
Maybe you even need to come up with a way to allow your spouse to monitor your behavior in some way, especially if you travel for work.
Show you are serious about preventing divorce and rebuilding your marriage.
Do you overspend your budget? Many times this is the woman's problem, but certainly not always.
Financial problems really hurt a marriage, but especially when the economy is bad.
Don't promise to spend more wisely, stop overspending now.
Do you promise to be home for dinner on time but then show up late; worse yet, without calling? If you think you need to leave 5 minutes earlier, leave 20 minutes earlier.
If you have extra time at home before the promised arrival time, sit down and talk with your spouse about his or her day.
Make your marriage the priority.
You can do that without sacrificing your job performance.
Remember, divorce can cost you more money than you make in a year at your job, so which is the priority: "save my job" or "stop my divorce"? And money is probably the least painful item when it comes to divorce.
Second, make sure you are not playing with emotions.
When you use the phrase "I love you" make sure it is NOT at a time of emotional distress like an argument.
That 3 word phrase goes a lot farther when unexpected and not required.
Certainly do not say "I love you" just to evoke a reflex "I love you" back from your partner.
If not sincere, that can actually weaken the marriage relationship.
Third, do not ever think you can "win" an argument.
Your superior logic and reasoning skills might win you the battle but cause you to lose the war.
Keep the big picture in mind.
The goal should be to rationally discuss problems and work together as a team to solve them, not argue, finger point and assign blame.
Just because your spouse may be pointing out your faults does not mean you should point out theirs.
Instead seek solutions that will mitigate your faults, we all have them.
It takes two to argue so make sure you keep as calm and rational as possible.
Your partner will eventually take the cue as well.