Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

Forgiving the Unforgivable – After an Affair

Is forgiving the infidelity of your partner possible after learning that he or she is cheating on you? Well, if your spouse has been cheating for either months or years it really cuts deep, opening a wound that leaves a scar. To forgive something that painful is almost next to impossible.

This article will help your heavily burdened faithful to forgive your cheating and lying partner. But before you examine and see this procedure, please take into consideration and answer this question honestly. Choose between the two possible answers: Yes, it is or No, it isn't.

"Which is stronger and more dominant your love for your partner or the pain and sadness of discovering what he/she did to you? Is your marriage more important than a crime acted by your partner?"

If you answered yes, then I believe you are on the right track and hopefully, the following procedures to forgiving will help you out more.

STEP ONE: Confront and Confide

Pull together all the evidences you need to prove that your spouse is really cheating on you. There's no question about it, as in you really believe one hundred percent that your spouse has been lying to you all this time. So what's the next plan of action? I believe it is best if you confront your spouse about it.

            Your confrontation will be inevitable for him or her because you have all the proof you need to put him/her on the hot seat. So tell your spouse sit down, be quiet and talk to him/her in a CALM way. Violence is never going a way to a peaceful future. Talk and tell him or her that you know what they have been doing all this time. After explaining how you found out and how you investigated and learned that it is true, you should tell your spouse next how you feel about it. Unload all those feelings of sorrow and sadness that you have been keeping and storing in your broken heart. Express all those feelings of sorrow and betrayal to him/her. Tell him/her everything. Don't be afraid to cry, but be sure to NOT let your emotions control what you say or do. In the end, you must accomplish one goal in this step: The Truth of The Matter Must Be Let Out of The Bag, so that he may see what he has done wrong.


 STEP TWO: Compromising the Complicated

            This is when both of you decide the next step. Will it be a flat on the table divorce or a changing of the heart? Now, let us both pray it's the latter. Let's hope your cheating partner has a soft heart in them, somewhere deep inside. So, let's assume you first decide to start again and get a second chance with your relationship. You have to talk about each other's feelings and interest. Why did they cheat on you on the first place? What compelled your spouse to cheat on you in the first place?

            More often than not, it all begins on expectations. When a certain expectation can't be met, understand WHY it can't be met. Maybe you have a reasonable explanation why you can't fulfill what he expects you to accomplish. But keep an attitude of open-mindedness. Compromise the complicated. Don't let your shortcomings and differences get in the way of something special. Take note of this very important detail: You loved each other so much…ENOUGH TO CHOOSE TO GET MARRIED! Don't mock the solemnity of the Holy Matrimony. Don't sacrifice something as important as that for a sin planned by the devil.

 STEP THREE: Considering the Consequences

            If you reached this step, congratulations! This means "so far so good", you're on your way to a start of a new beginning. Of course, even though things are working out, that doesn't mean you should completely forget about what he/she, did. They have to be accountable to the consequences of his/her actions.

            Tell them what the Dos are and as well as the Don'ts. First and foremost, confront your cheating partner, in other words, the third party that he/she has to end their forbidden relationship. They have to make a hard, yet necessary, decision: You or the cheating party?  Of course if he/she chose you, maybe the third party will take revenge by harassing you both or spreading rumors?

            But that's the fruit of the sin committed. Also, they have to be punished for their crime or else they would get the mentality that "it's okay, nothing bad happened to me so I can do it again". No, don't let them think of making the same mistake twice, or even more than that.

             After all these is said and done, it still takes time to forgive a wrong done to you. No matter how well your talk went, in due time healing from your wounds will come. And of course, you need to cooperate with time. Let God heal you and be open-minded and have an open heart as well.

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