Health & Medical Self-Improvement

It"s Not What You Say, But How You Say It

When I was a young man, I felt I had the liberty to say whatever I wanted to whoever I wanted.
I had little regard for the way it was being received because in my mind the truth is the truth.
Oh people heard me alright, but I started to realize that people weren't really listening.
That translated into people seeing me in a light I didn't like.
I often hear people say things like...
"It's not what was said, but how it was said.
"  No matter the best intentions, people simply don't listen to what other people say unless it's said in a way that 'speaks' to them.
Messages and meaning can be lost in translation if care is not taken to take into consideration the person you're talking to.
Not everyone is the same.
There are some people that can handle the harsh reality of the truth.
Many need it presented in a way that is non-offending to them, even if you think there is nothing wrong with your presentation, your facial expressions and body language all play a part in your message and how it is received.
Remember the importance of communication.
It's to be heard and understood, and in other circumstances to have people listen and act.
Don't speak for the sake of hearing yourself talk.
Make sure you have meaning and empathy to your listener.
If you're angry you may have to go take a walk to cool off, and come back when you're not going to be so emotional.
Using slurs and yelling at the other person doesn't make your point more valid, nor does it make you heard.
The other person feels intimidated and stops listening most of the time.
They pay more attention to the yelling and name calling than they do the issues.
When recalling a nasty conversation it is those things they will mention first.
The issues come way later.
In a job interview for example, HR departments are trained to read body language and facial expressions.
Are you sitting up straight? Are you fidgeting with your hands? Do you avoid eye contact? All signs of insecurity.
I know what some of you are thinking.
Everyone is nervous during interviews.
Yes, I can understand that, but an interview to which you are well qualified should give you confidence in 'selling' yourself to your new employers.
Not doing the things I mentioned above will show that you are not only qualified, but confident in your abilities.
Ultimately there are outcomes we want in every conversation we have.
Often people shoot themselves in the foot by unwittingly not conveying their message in a way that brings about those outcomes.
You may feel you have to talk to people like children.
You may have to.
It's the end result that you're aiming for, and not the need to say whatever you want.
Be clear in your message, be calm in your delivery, and most importantly be empathetic to your listener.
It isn't a matter of reciprocation.
It's a matter of being heard, understood, and hopefully gaining the outcome you desire from all your interactions in life.

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