Stop the Madness
The moment you heard those fateful words... "It over!"...your emotions went into overdrive. The love of your life had actually told you, they don't want to see you anymore (let alone be with you)! You're seething with anger and want to lash out at the world. You'll be tempted to act on this rage, but you must not give in to that temptation.
This is the time when you have to focus on yourself, regain your sense of balance, and stop the madness. Acting on your raw emotions will only make matters worse. You must move toward freeing yourself from the heartache and pain you're currently feeling, so that you can think more logically.
I know you need some sort of closure... you want to know what happened... you want to plead your case, but now is not the time. Don't contact your ex! Don't call, don't send a letter, don't e-mail, and for goodness sake don't send text messages.
You must not appear needy, desperate, or crazy, to anyone... especially your ex. Until you can present yourself as sane, calm, cool and collected... don't do or say anything as far as your ex is concerned.
See You Later
I urge you to put a bit of distance between you and your ex, to create a bit of breathing room. You've been in the relationship equivalent of a car wreck and you're still trying to get (your mind) healthy.
Put your relationship and the things that transpired out of your mind (as best you can) and focus your energy elsewhere. You need to spend time with friends, have a bit of fun, network, and try new things. You're trying to create an environment that will help your mind heal. Take it slow, you're not ready for the dating game yet... neither in terms of meeting new people or rekindling a relationship.
Give yourself 6 to 8 weeks to renew yourself and make lifestyle changes. Creating a bit of space between you and your ex will work wonders (on several levels).
Rehearse the Ad-libs
After clarity and logic have returned to your thinking, start planning that all important "First Contact" meeting in your head. This is not a meeting that you'll setup (you're ex has to do that), but you should have some idea of what you will say when you meet. This "First Contact" meeting is likely to be rather awkward and tense (very much like a first date), so there are a few things that are absolute must dos:
- Keep things lighthearted
- Don't get too excited -- You don't want it to seem like you've been waiting for this meeting
- Keep the meeting short
- Look your best -- Notice I said "Look your best." If you're not a clotheshorse, don't go there.
- Don't initiate conversation about the relationship (let your ex start this conversation)
- Expect this meeting to yield nothing (you simply want to survive this meeting without losing your composure and without making any faux pas)